my slow descent into alcoholism i.e. grad school

today began with bailey's in my morning coffee and ended with cheez-its and red wine. in between these two rather demoralizing events, i had an epiphany--i'm really good at doing nothing. okay, i didn't say it was a great epiphany, or a surprising one, but i definitely spent more time thinking about what i needed to do instead of actually doing what i need to do. it's my first week of classes (last week canceled due to bad weather. i love living a city that overreacts to anything other than blue skies) but levels of anxiety are high and the insomnia has return. fun. i hate constantly feeling like i shouldn't be here and that i'm wasting my time, only i haven't figured out what i want so i may as well stick it out in grad school until i figure things out--at least i get a degree right? it's hard to be back here after a great month at home where i successful displayed my talent for doing nothing for a month...it was glorious. but i'm trying to stay positive. i know anyone who's talked to me--ever find this hard to believe (i am actually disgustingly optimistic--aided by copious amounts of red wine and/or vodka). it is good to be playing piano regularly again, especially now that i'm only playing for fun. i'm fairly excited about half my classes--up from hating all of my classes last semester.

odds and ends: i had a little too much fun on itunes today. the jury's still out for me on the new shins' cd wincing the night away. not bad, but unremarkable. however, listen to au revoir simone's "and sleep al mar" it's marvelously creepy.