c'est too much

imagine this tableau if you will:
one of those moderately trendy restaurants that serves upscale comfort food. you know, the kind where you wonder what wine would pair well with your truffle-scented mac and cheese. should you order that sauterne with your deconstructed peach cobbler? etc. david and i sitting down to dinner. as usual, i'm getting tons of "oh, the poor girl doesn't know" looks from other j-faced diners.

me: david, humor me.
david: what?
me: i've always wanted to cause a scene in a restaurant.
david: and i would like to wish into existence a planet full of unicorns. gauche caviar, i don't want to indulge you in your petty, bourgeois antics.
me: (loudly) you bastard!! what do you mean you woke up naked next to a coked-out go-go dancer of the male persuasion this morning?!?
(david sits looking resigned.)
me: but we were supposed to adopt a fleet of little 3rd world babies and name them snowflake in their respective languages!!
(i gaze deeply into my glass of bordeaux before heaving the contents on david's bewildered face. i gather my things and stomp out with my heels that cut.)
fin.

i'm not gonna lie, i've always thought that it might be fun to cause a scene in a public area. so last night, i had my opportunity at last. i met a friend for dinner and margaritas at vivo which has fantastic margaritas, and as it turns out, a caterpillar infested patio. now, i have an almost irrational fear of caterpillars. while i recognize that they're fairly harmless, the fuzzy ones in particular are frightful to me (no, the fact that they turn into butterflies doesn't help as anyone who has witnessed my interactions with moths can attest to--the fluttering makes me nervous). anyway, it began with a caterpillar crawling up my menu. okay, no big deal, i just moved to the other side of the table. i'm enjoying my margarita until the woman at the neighboring table taps me on the shoulder and alerts me to the caterpillar crawling up my sleeve. arm-waving freak-out ensued. some guy at another table kindly removed the caterpillar from my sleeve.
so undignified.
odds and ends: i'll be laying low for the rest of the semester, it's paper time and i am already having nightmares about it.