non-douchebags of the world unite!

i am currently taking a class on the global impact of american mass culture. the topic of discussion today was the stratification of culture into the highbrow, middlebrow and lowbrow and the persistent strain of anti-intellectualism that clings to american culture. now i have been accused of being an elitist--i am studying musicology after all and admittedly have a tendency to seek out the esoteric. if other people know about it, it's time to move on, right? but in reality, i am really just protecting myself from distractions and unwanted attentions. if i have a talent for anything at all, other than wasting time, it would be at shutting out those i have no desire to know. (the years of social awkwardness did pay off! elimination lists are helpful too). i generally try not to be too rude about it, but i definitely make it clear when i'm not interested. so i've been fielding calls from one master douche for about about half a year now. i've not answered my phone since september. to be dramatic, he is my nemesis. most people have at least one redeeming value. so far as i can tell, master douche has none. (seriously, who hates bach?!?) he has offended me in every possible way, and to put it in vaguely marxist terms, we are diametrically opposed. he will, presumably, eventually collapse under the weight of his massive ego and unsavory personality, but perhaps we need a revolution to speed up the process. i am currently enlisting volunteers.

my slow descent into alcoholism i.e. grad school

today began with bailey's in my morning coffee and ended with cheez-its and red wine. in between these two rather demoralizing events, i had an epiphany--i'm really good at doing nothing. okay, i didn't say it was a great epiphany, or a surprising one, but i definitely spent more time thinking about what i needed to do instead of actually doing what i need to do. it's my first week of classes (last week canceled due to bad weather. i love living a city that overreacts to anything other than blue skies) but levels of anxiety are high and the insomnia has return. fun. i hate constantly feeling like i shouldn't be here and that i'm wasting my time, only i haven't figured out what i want so i may as well stick it out in grad school until i figure things out--at least i get a degree right? it's hard to be back here after a great month at home where i successful displayed my talent for doing nothing for a month...it was glorious. but i'm trying to stay positive. i know anyone who's talked to me--ever find this hard to believe (i am actually disgustingly optimistic--aided by copious amounts of red wine and/or vodka). it is good to be playing piano regularly again, especially now that i'm only playing for fun. i'm fairly excited about half my classes--up from hating all of my classes last semester.

odds and ends: i had a little too much fun on itunes today. the jury's still out for me on the new shins' cd wincing the night away. not bad, but unremarkable. however, listen to au revoir simone's "and sleep al mar" it's marvelously creepy.

a recovery of sorts

i've decided (perhaps unwisely) to return from my virtual suicide
reasons for blog:
-well first and foremost, to be discovered by a publisher who will make me an offer i can't refuse, thus bringing me one step closer to my goal of $25 million by 25 (prospects looking grim at the moment).
-this is the literary equivalent of starting your own shitty garage band (next item on my to-do list. big like rasputin will emerge in all its baroque pop excesses)
-i am unfortunately terrible about answering my phone or emails in a timely manner, although i am inordinately good at procrastinating!
-finally. another forum to air my petty concerns and inane observations.